30 Lessons From 30 Years

Me — backpacking this summer

Well, I turned 30 and I have a blog, so this feels obligatory. Most of the time, I find these lists cringey. That’s because they can be too self-aggrandizing.

But… I don’t have anything to brag about or sell you. Just a desire to share bits of advice and wisdom I’ve picked up over 30 years.

Here they are, in no particular order.

1. The quality of your thoughts is the only thing that matters. You can have everything in the external world, but if your internal world is a mess — it doesn’t matter.
2. Things are rarely as good or bad as you expect them to be.
3. Don’t follow your “passions”. Follow your curiosities and strengths.
4. It’s easier to remove bad things from your life than it is to add good things, but the effect is the same. Likewise, avoiding stupidity is easier than achieving brilliance.
5. Is it within your control? Yes — then don’t stress, act. No — then don’t stress, ignore.
6. You’re perfect just as you are, but you can always be better. Be happy with what you have, while you work for what you want. Self-acceptance and striving are keys to happiness.
7. Focus on processes over outcomes. Outcomes can be out of your control, but your effort is not. Focusing on outcomes leads to impatience, focusing on the process leads to improvement.
8. You are what you do, not your intentions. Every choice you make takes you closer or further from your goals.
9. Productivity is more about managing your energy and emotions than managing your time.
10. Learn to enjoy being wrong, it makes you more intelligent and more fun to be around.
11. Results = (time x effort) ^ strategy. What you work on matters more than how.
12. Emotions are just signals, you choose how to react to them. There are no “good” or “bad” emotions, only good and bad reactions. Ex: It’s okay to feel angry, it’s not okay to act on that anger.
13. “The need for certainty is the greatest disease the mind faces” — Robert Greene
14. You waste years by not being able to waste hours. Learn to get comfortable with boredom and listening to your mind.
15. Practice external pessimism and internal optimism. Things are going to go wrong, but you can handle it.
16. Be wary of too much mental time travel. Either ruminating about a bad past or clinging to a good one. Either worrying about potential futures or getting your hopes up. The present is the only thing that exists, the only thing we can interact with. Focus on it.
17. Strive to increase your personal surface area of luck, and be ready to seize it when it happens. Go to more places, have more conversations, and be ready to take risks.
18. Easy choices — hard life. Hard choices — easy life. Avoidance is easy in the present but makes your life more difficult in the future.
19. Everyone chooses two pains — the pain of discipline or the pain of regret.
20. “The real problem of humanity is the following: We have Paleolithic emotions, medieval institutions, and godlike technology.” — EO Wilson
21. Feel competent at what you do, feel authentic in your life, feel connected to others, feel progress towards your goals → happiness.
22. Never lie to yourself. It’s the first and easiest coping mechanism we learn. Learn to recognize and remove it from your self-talk.
23. You don’t need to know what to do with your life, that’s too big of a question to answer. You just need a plan for the next few years. Figure it out from there.
24. Desire is a contract we write with ourselves to be unhappy until we get what we want. This can be harnessed in good ways and in bad.
25. Not making a choice, or not acknowledging that you have a choice — is still a choice. It’s better to make a choice, and then work to make it a good one.
26. Vulnerability is how you show people the unique shape of your personality, rough edges and all. Two square jigsaw pieces don’t fit together, show people your true form so that they can connect with you.
27. Therapy, meditation, and journaling — they’re all forms of the same thing, metacognition (thinking about your thoughts). The point is to realize that you are not the thinker of your thoughts, but the observer of them. The ability to examine your thoughts and change them is a superpower.
28. The opportunities you take are more important than the opportunities you miss.
29. Call your friends.
30. Be kind to yourself. Be kind to your past self by forgiving yourself for mistakes. Be kind to your future self by cultivating habits that compound. Be kind to yourself.